Dear Girl ~Stories~ 23: Beware of Duriangelion!

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Title: この後、異臭騒ぎ (Kono ato, ishuu-sawagi / After this, it’s stinky uproar)
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Rating: 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 (perfect 5 grins)
ATTENTION!!! Important Note: All the translations below are my own (by Arria Cross). All are labelled “rough translation”, as they did not undergo any professional proofreading and/or editing and may lack literal and/or grammatical accuracy.  I did my best, however, to convey the atmosphere and context of the conversations in this radio show.

dgs1
Credit: animelo.jp

This is the 23rd episode of Kamiya Hiroshi (神谷浩史) and Ono Daisuke’s (小野大輔) radio show Dear Girl ~Stories~.  This is easily one of my most favourite episodes in this radio show ever!  I just love it!  It’s absolutely hilarious!
。゚(TヮT)゚。  This episode begins with the hosts’ usual intro.  It’s so cool when Kamiya-san introduces himself in seiyuu mode.  It’s so different from his normal cutesy voice.

Credit:  ibarakiguide.jp
Credit: ibarakiguide.jp

Then Kamiya-san asks OnoD if he went somewhere for vacation, but OnoD tells him that he had work. Then he begins to tell Kamiya-san that he wants to see the Ushiku Daibutsu (Ushiku Buddha / 牛久大仏). Apparently, OnoD loves buddha statues.

Ono: There is this Buddha statue that I want to see in Ushiku.
Kamiya: Oh!
Ono: It’s 120 meters high.
Kamiya: Yes, there is.
Ono: There is, right?
Kamiya: Why don’t. . .
Ono: I really want to see it.
Kamiya: Go and see it, then.
Ono: Go see it. . .But it’s a little too far.
Kamiya: But it only takes about 1 and half hour by car.
Ono: It’s really one of the things that I really want to see. It’s like one of the biggest Buddha statues in the world.
Kamiya: Maybe.
Ono: I’m going to check.
Kamiya: It’s like a building.
Ono: It seems you can enter inside the statue.
Kamiya: Yes, you can do that.
Ono: Ahaha- Oh? Have you seen it before?
Kamiya: Well, that’s because Ushiku is my childhood home.
Ono: (long pause) Your childhome home?!
Kamiya: Yeah. I don’t go (to the Buddha statue). I don’t quite understand why people. . . .
Ono: Why are drawing pictures?
Kamiya: Why people would go and see what’s inside.
Ono: Ah, yes, yes.
Kamiya: I think that’s scary.
Ono: I’m the only one who knows what you’re drawing. Scary?
Kamiya: Because of it’s big size.
Ono: For that reason only?
Kamiya: Yeah. I know a shortcut to it, but I really don’t know it’s size. It’s like a building.
Ono: As expected.
Kamiya: Yeah. You should go. Even if you take pictures, you won’t really know its size.
Ono: Yes. The scale. . .
Kamiya: I don’t know its scale.
Ono: Well then, let’s go together, Kamiya-san.
Kamiya: Yeah, yeah. I’ll return there eventually to visit our family grave.
Both: (laughs)
Ono: So it’s like that, huh? Then let’s go inside the statue together.
Kamiya: For what reason?

That conversation was very unexpected.  It was funny to hear OnoD’s reaction when he learned that Ushiku, where he wants to visit to see the Great Buddha, is Kamiya-san’s childhood home.  (●´艸`)  Next up is the Futsuu Sto (Futsuu Story / Ordinary Story) Corner where they read letters from their listeners.  The first letter is from a Mika-san who asks a favour from OnoD.  My favourite is the second letter.

Sakuraya-san from Hokkaido (Listener Letter): Kamiya-san, Ono-san, good evening. I downloaded Kamiya-san‘s chaku voice Kawaii-tte iu na!” (Don’t call me cute!) (Chaku voice or chakushin voices are downloadable ringtones featuring lines read by various seiyuu, particularly DGS’ hosts Kamiya-san and OnoD)
Kamiya: (chuckles)
Sakuraya-san from Hokkaido (Listener Letter): I use it everyday, so I hear it everytime.
Kamiya: Is that so? Hahaha!
Sakuraya-san from Hokkaido (Listener Letter): It’s such an unusual way to wake up to.
Kamiya: HAHAHAHA!!!
Sakuraya-san from Hokkaido (Listener Letter): Do you have other encouraging chaku voice that I can download?
Kamiya: Ahaha. . .
Ono: Oh, Sakuraya-san. So you always wake up this way day after day. “Kawaii-tte iu na!” (Don’t call me cute!)
Kamiya: That’s not how you use it! Oy! Rethink it.

Kamiya-san’s reaction to this letter is so cute.  (>y<)  He sounds happy and shy at Sakuraya-san’s flattery.  Afterwards, Kamiya-san gets the idea to call OnoD’s mother whom he calls Mama-D. But they don’t follow through with the plan.  Then they play a CV song from the anime Neo Angelique Abyss.  I don’t like it very much.  It sounds all over the place.  Oh well.  Finally, they do the Sylph Soudanshitsu Corner.  This is my most favourite part in this episode.  Oh gosh.  I’m going to warn you.  This is seriously funny.  Prepare yourself.

The two are already hilarious from the very beginning of the corner.  They messed up reading the corner’s title.  It was only Kamiya-san who managed to read it properly while OnoD can be heard coughing in the background, perhaps to cover his error.

Kamiya: Ono-kun, you’re really terrible at synchronizing the title with me.
Ono: Why don’t we try again?
Kamiya: (ignores him and continues to read the rest of the corner’s description)

Next, they do the Nayami Story Corner where they read letters from Sylph Comic’s mangaka about their nayami (worries/troubles).  In this episode, they feature a nayami letter from mangaka Hoshino Lily-sensei who was featured before in this show.

Hoshino Lily-sensei no Nayami:
I got the idea for this nayami letter when Yasumoto-san co-hosted your show and I was very surprised. Because of what you talked about, I benefitted. I heard that both of you don’t like raisins. There are a lot of things that we don’t want to eat, right? As for me, it’s durian. The smell, especially, is too dangerous and scary, so I don’t want to eat it. But I want to try it at least once. I don’t want to be ashamed for my lack of courage. So Kamiya-san and Ono-san, please try and eat durian and give me courage.

Credit:  wikipedia.org
Credit: wikipedia.org

(Both hosts speak at the same time)
Ono: I read the letter but. . .
Kamiya: (whining) No! Why should I do this?! I don’t want to do this! This just puts us in unnecessary excitement.
Ono: When I heard that she doesn’t want to eat this durian. . .
Kamiya: She can’t eat it? I don’t know what to think. . .To try and eat this durian. . .I don’t want to. . !
Ono: Will you try it, Kamiya-san?
Kamiya: No way.
Ono: No?
Kamiya: But I just heard earlier that it smells like raw/rotten eggs. I don’t want to!
Ono: They’re so mischievous, right? The people here are Bunka Housou force us into this kind of uproars. (Bunka Housou or Culture Broadcasting: the station where DGS is hosted)
Kamiya: That’s right. We can’t eat the durian here in the studio so we’re heading to another studio right now.
Ono: Eh? Is that the rumoured Durian Studio?
Kamiya: Yes. We’re heading to Duri Sta right now. (Duri Sta: short for Durian Studio)
Ono: To Duri Sta, GO!
(door banging, outside noise)
Both: DON!
Ono: There we go. We’ve arrived at Duri Sta!
Kamiya: (laughs) First of all, this is NOT a studio at all!
Ono: Let me explain. We are outside!
Kamiya: We entered through the doorway, and there’s this wide meeting studio, and I thought there’s this hole back there. It leads outside.
Ono: They really don’t want the smell to-
Kamiya: We’re outside so the signal might get lost. This is outside but how is it, everyone? Can you hear us? This is such a crazy situation.
Ono: This is not a studio!
Kamiya: They might hear a crying voice instead, right?
Ono: Well.
Kamiya: This is a new one. I never thought that we will do this. So we will now witness OnoD eat the durian!
(applause)
Ono: What- What is that applause for?
Kamiya: We have a lot of staff present with us right now.
Ono: (laughs) But. . .but your Aoni manager and our editing manager just ran away. (Aoni Production is Kamiya-san‘s agency for his work as a seiyuu)
Kamiya: They just ran, those bastards! (laughs) But moving on, we will now commence today’s event where OnoD will enter the Durian Field that our staff made.
Ono: Yay. Yay.
(applause)
Kamiya: It’s there. That’s the Durian Field.
Ono: Huh? Isn’t this just a plastic umbrella?
Kamiya: So once you enter the Durian Field, OnoD, please eat the durian. So without further ado. . . .
Ono: Huh? Huh?
Kamiya: What’s wrong? You have complaints?
Ono: All of you may be alright with this but. . .
Kamiya: What are you saying now?
Ono: But I’ll be the one inside this umbrella. . .
Kamiya: Aw, come on. Our staff worked hard to make that Durian Field. Do it now.
Ono: It can’t be helped, then. Alright, I’ll do it.
Kamiya: Okay, then. OnoD, please enter the Durian Field.
(OnoD enters the umbrella draped with plastic sheet Durian Field)
Ono: Durian Field Deployed!
Kamiya: AHAHAHA!!! (addresses the staff) We’ve just deployed the Durian Field, so everyone, please be ready to help when needed. Then without further delay, we’re going to bring out the durian. BRING OUT THE DURIAN!
(bad-ass background music plays)
Kamiya: Ah, here it comes! Here comes the durian!
Ono: Ah!
Kamiya: Alright. The durian has just entered the Durian Field. This is totally unexpected, right? I’ll be describing to you the details of whatever happens.

Ono: I need something to cut it.
Kamiya: With a Durian knife?
Ono: Durian knife!
Kamiya: Is it soft?
Ono: It’s surprisingly soft- Ah! Stinky!
Kamiya: (laughs) Eh? It’s soft?
Ono: It’s soft. And the smell- Stinky!
Kamiya: (laughs) So it’s soft, huh? Eeeeh. . ?
Ono: Right now, it’s still alright.
Kamiya: So it’s still alright?
Ono: Somehow. (groans)
Kamiya: Ahahaha!

Kamiya-san is so evil.  Poor OnoD.  (*≧艸≦)

Ono: STINKY!
Kamiya: I’ll smell it if it smells like a fruit. (comes closer to the Durian Field) Ah! It smells like a fruit, but a fruit that I can’t bear to eat. How is it, Ono-kun?
Ono: I really shouldn’t be doing this. . .
Kamiya: Ahaha! The Durian Field is useless. Ahahaha! This Durian Field is no good. Cut me some. Cut me a piece. How does it feel?
Ono: It’s soft.
Kamiya: It’s soft! How do I eat this? Don’t we have a spoon or something?
Ono: STINKYYYY!
Kamiya: Ahahahahaha! Ono-kun, we don’t have any spoon so. . .Ahahaha! I’ll run. I can’t do this. I’ll run. I can’t do this.
Ono: (vomiting noises)
Kamiya: Amazing! Amazing, amazing, amaziiiing! I’m running. I can’t do this. Everyone, come here. Here. Go further. Ono-kun, are you alive? Ono-kun?
Ono: (more vomiting noises)
Kamiya: Ah! (coughs)

Poor OnoD.  But I can’t stop laughing! (ノ>▽<。)ノ

Kamiya: You’re going to eat it? I’m going to eat it? Eh? Isn’t Ono-kun the one to eat it? Oh, you can eat it? Ah, HE ATE IT! How is it? How is it? How is it? (pause) Ahahaha! Eh? It’s not delicious?
Ono: Stinky!
Kamiya: The Durian Field is useless. Can’t do it anymore? You can’t do it anymore! Let’s change places for now.
Ono: (and yet more vomiting noises)
Kamiya: Ah! Amazing! We just exchanged places in the Durian Field- (coughs) Ono-kun is. . .Ono-kun is stinky!
(Kamiya-san tries some Durian)
Kamiya: Eh? (coughs) What the hell? (disgusted) It’s not delicious! It’s bad! IT’S BAD!!! Oh-hoh! This is BAAAAAD!!! Argh. Argh! Where can I spit this out? I don’t want to swallow it.
Ono: The Durian Field is STINKY!

Oh, heavens.  My tummy hurts from laughing so much. (*≧▽≦)ノシ))

Kamiya: Argh! This is incredibly stinky. My mouth is stinky.
Ono: (vomiting noise) What the hell is this?
Kamiya: I don’t know. Argh! What is this? What-
Ono: I wonder-
Kamiya: This can be, like, a new weapon.

Kamiya-san is the best!  He just declared durian as a weapon of destruction!  “ψ(`∇´)ψ

Kamiya: Hoshino Lily-sensei, what do you think? We staked our own lives just to check this durian for you. How was it, OnoD?
Ono: Eh? (laughs) I really don’t have anything to say. (pause) It’s CREAMY.

OnoD is the best, too!  (* ˚᷄ 艸 ˚᷅ *)

Kamiya: (to their listeners) Please scold our producers for us.

Oh.  This episode is HILARIOUS! I just couldn’t stop laughing.  My tummy still hurts from laughing so hard.
∗˚(* ˃̤൬˂̤ *)˚∗  These two are the best!  I hope that you enjoyed it as much as I did.  Listen to a recorded copy of this episode below, which was kindly uploaded by dgs2703.  どうもありがとう。


Uploaded by: dgs2703

See you again soon, nee? ー( ´ ▽ ` )ノ

Links:
Dear Girl ~Stories~ in animelo mix (Japanese)
Sylph Comics  (Japanese)
Kamiya Hiroshi  in Aoni Production (Japanese)
Ono Daisuke in Mausu Promotion (Japanese)

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