Achieving Enlightenment the Otaku Way

Osu!  It’s been a while, shokun!  This is Cross-shishou for another set of Fujinsei Kempo Lessons.  I expect that you’ve developed a fairer approach in watching an anime for the first time after you finished learning that The Anime World is Vast and Diverse.

Today’s lesson tackles the familiar circumstance that many regular anime watchers experience–the blurring between the boundaries of the anime world and the real world.  Are you ready?  Alright, let’s begin.  Osu!

10 Signs That Your Life is Transforming into Anime

1.  Anime Name
You give yourself an anime name.  Most of the time, you directly take the name of your favourite character or perhaps combine the names of at least 2 of the coolest characters you admire.

In real life, you’re known as Tom Smith; but on the web, you use Monkey D. Naruto as the username on all of your social media accounts.  You also met your girlfriend through an anime forum.  She uses the name Suzumiya Sakura-hime.  She’s the love of your life, although you’ve never seen her face.

2.  Narrator
You hear a voice-over narrator describing each and every event of your daily life. It’s the voice of your favourite seiyuu. Oh wow.

You: (wakes up in the morning)

Narrator: Tom Smith woke up late at noon, cursing that the warm and soft body of Suzumiya Sakura-hime’s body against him was all just a dream. . .
. . .30 seconds later. . .

You: (logs on at Twitter as Monkey D. Naruto)

Narrator: The tweet of his lady love, Suzumiya Sakura-hime, was Monkey D. Naruto’s breakfast. . .
. . .20 hours later. . .
. . .Monkey D. Naruto forsakes the heavens after finding out that his heart’s cherry blossom, Suzumiya Sakura-hime, is having an affair with his arch-nemesis, Uchiha Trunks.

3.  Theme Song & Background Music
Every chapter of your life has its seasonal opening & ending theme songs.   You also hear background music for everything that happens in your life.  When you’re angry, a bad-ass drum-beat music plays.  When you’re sad, a melancholic flute solo drives you to tears.  When you’re happy, a cacophony of awesome guitars permeate the air.

4.  Visible Aura
You swear that you can see a faint aura surrounding yourself, and you train your ass hard every single day to make it stronger.

OMG. Those abs. . . . *swoon*
OMG. Those abs. . . .

5.  Super Saiyan
You unwittingly transform into a Super Saiyan whenever you’re angry.

View “Have Anger Issues?  Maybe You’re Just a Saiyan” for more information.

6.  Extreme Nosebleeds
When you see something perverted, blood gushes out of your nose like a fireman’s hose.  Beware of anemia.

sanji in love-nosebleed

7.  Mystical Pet
You converse with your pet like it’s the most natural thing to do.  You can hear your pet’s voice.  Your pet is actually your familiar that transforms into a sacred beast, protecting you from the forces of evil known as the ignorant people who dare call anime cartoons.

ao exorcist-sith

8.  From Enemy to Comrade
When you have an enemy, you’re confident that he/she will become one of your closest comrades sooner or later.

9.  Anime Character over Human Being
You lose interest in flesh and blood human being.  When asked about your ideal type, you describe your favourite anime character.  Bishounen & bishoujo alert!!!

rio satomi hakkenden sparkling

(sigh) He’s just so hot. . . (wipes drool) And the final sign that your life is transforming into anime is. . . .

10.  Harem
You don’t commit to a one-on-one relationship because why should you when you have this harem of mind-blowingly gorgeous bishounen/bishoujo fighting over you?  Besides, your life will get boring if you focus on just one person, right?  Some competition is healthy now and then.

brothers conflict1

That’s all for today, folks.  I hope that today’s Fujinsei Kempo lessons managed to enlighten you about the blurring of the boundaries between your reality and anime life.  Reflect on what you learned today.  I’ll be back for more new lessons on how to achieve enlightenment the Otaku Way soon.  Osu!

Founder of Fujinsei Kempo

Disclaimer:  Study and follow the teachings of Fujinsei Kempo at your own risk.  Fujinsei and its main author Arria Cross accept no responsibility whatsoever for the content of this post, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided above.  Arria urges you to blame Cross-shishou for any issues you encounter while following Fujinsei Kempo teachings.  But Arria wants you to remember that Cross-shishou is a mere alter ego, someone without tangible form.  So if you want to blame someone, you might as well blame yourself.  You’ve been warned.

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Published by Arria Cross

Blogger at fujinsei.com since 2014. Currently a webnovelist. Check out my work "His Genius is a Superstar".

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    1. Perhaps you haven’t reached the same spiritual plane as your pet, that’s why it’s difficult for you to communicate. 😉
      I know, right? #9 is perhaps the most common, I think. Anyway, thanks for dropping by. Keep on watching anime. Cheers!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Because with a manga, events line up for a big payoff at the end while an anime seems to cause more craziness and problems. Like for instance, I’m trying to be a mangaka and my girlfriend is chasing to be a voice actress.


  1. I’m guilty of number 2. I have the narrator from Kaiji locked up in my head. He mainly only comes out to narrate during times of despair like in the following situation that happened not too long ago.

    Me: (lines up in the cue at McDonald’s)

    A rival appears cutting in front of me in the line.

    Narrator: Sudden tears well up in the eyes of Calji (Number 1) as society itself turns it’s back on him.

    Me: This guy. This guy, thinks he is entitled to go ahead of me. As though my entire existence is so meager that he just needs step around me.

    Narrator: With hunger in his stomach and starvation in his heart, Calji sees what is happening before him

    Me: T-the wilderness….

    Narrator: The wilderness. It dawns on Calji that this he is in a wilderness right now where only the strongest will survive.

    Me: This isn’t right.

    Narrator: Calji was in denial of his own realisation DEMO

    Me: There’s nothing a weakling like me can do against the strong. This isn’t fair.

    Narrator: Kuyashi

    Me: Kuyashi

    Narrator: Kuyashi

    This is why I don’t really like fast food.

    I’m also guilty of number 7. I always talk to my little pup Tessie-chan but she never responds. She just walks away like she has more important things to do. She hasn’t spoken to me yet but I figured that it was because my spiritual awareness is not high enough yet.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Kuyashii deshou? Anyway, I know how you feel. That’s why I created this list. So you only hear one narrator? I hear reports about people hearing multiple narrators. Look forward to them.

      Yes, I agree that perhaps you haven’t connected with your Tessie-chan on the same spiritual plane yet, that’s why you can’t hear her response. But persist. . .you never know when she’ll be able to tell you exactly what she thinks. Anyway, thanks for dropping by. Keep on watching anime. Cheers!


  2. oh mygad. Its like all my thoughts came out and blogged itself. This is just so true. Everything here is so true I cri! I even named my dog Migi, inspired from Parasyte and you know what happens everyday. LOL

    I love this list. Would re like this over and over again XD

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much. One like is enough, and I’m glad that you can relate to this list. Well, this list is intended to provide some comfort and a sense of familiarity for people like us who love watching anime. Anyway, thanks for dropping by. Keep on watching anime. Cheers!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’d double like this if possible. :>

    Lmao I would like to meet whoever who actually lives by no. 8.

    Hey so maybe I am a little guilty of 9 .. maybe 10 when I dream at night ….. hides

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I would like to say that I live by number 8, since all my ‘enemies’ in the past have now become my close friends – it’s a forgive and forget kind of thing! And I suppose 9 and 10 is something I’m probably probably maybe not maybe yes guilty of •_•

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Haha but maybe …. they aren’t your ‘real’ enemies in that sense xD Though idk how to differentiate between a true enemy and one who isn’t haha.


    2. I actually know some people who’re able to live by #8. The friendship is very fiery and volatile, but they’re like connected by the hip during good times and will probably strangle anyone who hurts their former enemy and now best friend forever.

      😀 I know what you mean. Don’t hide. Be proud! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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