Achieving Enlightenment the Otaku Way
Osu! Greetings, shokun! Cross-shishou here again for another set of Fujinsei Kempo lessons. I assume that you’re experiencing a better love life because of last week’s lesson, 10 Things From Shoujo Series That You Should Learn NOT to Do.
Today’s lesson is about the important influence anime has in transforming your entire worldview (for the better, of course). Don’t believe that anime can change you? Think again. Let’s start the lesson now. Osu!
10 Ways Anime Transforms How You View Life & the World
1. Enemies Today, Comrades Tomorrow
Enemy: I hate you so, so, so much!
You: Aw, thank you. How sweet of you to say that. I hate you so much, too. But don’t sweat too much about it. We’ll be friends in no time. (goes away whistling)
Ah, what a wonderful world!
2. Talking Animals Don’t Faze You
While all the world’s media and scientists are having a field day about that talking animal, you’re inside your room watching anime with your own beloved talking cat. You wonder why everyone else is going crazy over such a normal thing as a gorilla singing opera.
3. You Respect Animal Life
You treasure the lives of all animals because you know that they’re actually sacred beings, even deities, who have the power to protect you from the evils of the world.
4. You Never Underestimate the Underdog
You know the pattern. The pathetic and clumsy guy that everyone bullies. But he actually has a hidden skill and BAM! He’s become the world champion.
5. Deadly Schoolgirls
You’re not easily deceived. You know that underneath all those cute outfits & innocent façade, schoolgirls are extremely dangerous. They’re actually gun-slinging assassins that won’t hesitate to blow your brains into pieces.
6. You Accept People Regardless of Their Gender
You don’t judge people based on their gender. You accept all genders. You don’t bat an eye when a femme fatale suddenly reveals that she was born George, or when a drop-dead gorgeous hunk reveals that he has ovaries.
7. You Look Beneath Appearances
When you see two hot guys acting too close for comfort, you don’t jump to the same conclusion as everyone else—that they’re gay lovers. You know the truth: the hotter one is actually a demon who formed a contract with the other one. The demon will protect the human until the human dies, and then the demon will have the human’s soul after his death. In the meantime, we’re free to fangirl about the two of them.
8. You Don’t Enter Just Anywhere.
You stay away from strange doors, gates, lakes, puddles, caves, mirrors, and almost any places unknown to you without first researching if anyone came out of them alive. You know that there is a possibility that these are actually portals to another world.
9. You’re Not Easily Scammed.
You don’t sign your name into just any piece of paper without first making sure that the document is genuine. Subscriber’s list? No, thank you. Contract? Talk to my lawyer first. That’s because you know very well that shinigami exists, and you’re suspicious of every piece of paper might come from the Death Note.
Aliens? Ghosts? Monsters? Penguin lovers? Bring it on! You are the most open-minded person. When everyone else is like this. . .
. . .you’re like. . .
“What? Is that all?” (yawn) “That’s nothing special. I always see that in anime.”
Because if there is one thing that you learn from anime, it’s that ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. . .and they usually will.
Now you know how powerful the influence of anime has in our lives. That’s why you should never be ashamed that you love anime. Be proud! Shout to the whole world that you love anime. If you do, you’re well on your way into achieving enlightenment the Otaku Way. That’s it for today’s lesson, shokun. I’ll be back soon for another illuminating set of lessons. Osu!
Founder of Fujinsei Kempo
Disclaimer: Study and follow the teachings of Fujinsei Kempo at your own risk. Fujinsei and its main author Arria Cross accept no responsibility whatsoever for the content of this post, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided above. Arria urges you to blame Cross-shishou for any issues you encounter while following Fujinsei Kempo teachings. But Arria wants you to remember that Cross-shishou is a mere alter ego, someone without tangible form. So if you want to blame someone, you might as well blame yourself. You’ve been warned.
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