Straw Hats VS. Monster: An Original ONE PIECE Story by Fujinsei (Haiku Edition)

FUJINSEI KEMPO
Achieving Enlightenment the Otaku Way
~Cross-shishou

Osu!  Greetings, shokun!  This is Cross-shishou for another set of Fujinsei Kempo lessons.  I hope that you learned the benefits of watching anime from the previous lesson “10 Ways Anime Transforms How You View Life & the World”.

Today’s lesson is about literature, specifically about the traditional Japanese poem Haiku.  In order to demonstrate this form of poetry, I created an original story about my favourite series ONE PIECE by Oda Eiichiro (尾田栄一郎) written exclusively in haiku.  I wrote it in English, so it won’t be as elegant as when it’s in Japanese, but I hope that you’ll enjoy my original story.  Alright, let’s begin.  Osu!


***Note that only people who have watched or read ONE PIECE can understand the following story.  So if you haven’t watched or read ONE PIECE yet, what are you waiting for?  Go watch it or read it NOW.  If you’ve already watched it, enjoy my original story in haiku.

Straw Hats VS. Monster
An Original ONE PIECE Story by Fujinsei
(Haiku Edition)

Monkey D. Luffy:
Luffy is the name,
I’ll be the next Pirate King,
Watch me, I’m the BEST!

monkey d luffy smiling-one piece

Roronoa Zoro:
This pain is nothing,
‘Cuz I’ll be the best swordsman. . .
. . .?!
Where is everyone?!!

zoro-training-one piece

Nami:
Did you say I’m cute?
You’re absolutely correct!
Oops! I gotta go.

nami beli eyes-one piece

Random Person:
She is so pretty.
Wait, my pocket is lighter.
She took my wallet!

stick person

Usopp:
I’m the great Usopp!
With my thousand followers,
I’ll conquer the world!

usopp-one piece

Monster:
I hungry. HUNGRY!
I eat all people. HUNGRY!!
Long nose looks YUMMY!!!

gollum

Usopp:
Waaaaah! Scary monster!
Run Away Run Away—RUUUUUUN!!!
Midori Boshi!!!

usopp scared-one piece

usopp-attack-one piece

Sanji:
Don’t eat that, Luffy!
Ah! Nami-saaaaan~ Robin-chaaaan~
You’re so beautifuuuuuuul~

sanji in love-nosebleed

Tony Tony Chopper:
Sanji, you’re bleeding!!!
I will treat you right away.
Stop the dirty thoughts!

doctor chopper-one piece

Nico Robin:
Why, Doctor Chopper,
You are so reliable.
You’re the best doctor.

nico robin-one piece-chuckling

Tony Tony Chopper:
Shut up, you bastard!
That doesn’t make me happy!
Ehehe! Bastard!

chopper dance-one piece

Monster:
I hungry. HUNGRY!
I eat all people. HUNGRY!!
Long nose looks YUMMY!!!

gollum

Usopp:
Waaaaah! Scary monster!
Run Away Run Away—RUUUUUUN!!!
Midori Boshi!!!

usopp scared-one piece

usopp-attack-one piece

Nico Robin:
Run, Usopp! Cien Fleur!
Gigantesco Mano! Ugh!
Get away, Usopp.

robin-cien fleur-one piece

Franky:
Ow! Franky is here!
Who are you calling hentai?
Stop the compliments!

franky-super-one piece

Monster:
I hungry. HUNGRY!
I eat all people. HUNGRY!!
You look so YUMMY!!!

gollum

Monkey D. Luffy:
What a big monster.
I wonder if he tastes good.
Sanji! Cook this guy!

luffy drooling-one piece

Sanji:
Roger that, Captain.
I’ll make this shit delicious.
I’ll kick him to bits.

sanji diable jambe-one piece

Tony Tony Chopper:
You are still bleeding.
Let the others fight instead.
Get back here, Sanji.

doctor chopper-one piece

Roronoa Zoro:
Listen to Chopper.
He’s our pirate ship doctor.
Stay there, hanaji.

zoro face - one piece

(Chopper & Sanji talk at the same time)

Tony Tony Chopper:
Shut up, you bastard!
That doesn’t make me happy!
Ehehe! Bastard!

chopper dance-one piece

Sanji:
Shitty Marimo!
Got lost again, didn’t you?
Get lost forever!

zoro and sanji fighting-one piece

Roronoa Zoro:
You want to fight me?
Bleed to death for all I care,
you perverted cook!

Monkey D. Luffy:
He’s getting away!
Gomu Gomu no Pistol!
After the monster!

luffy fight mode-one piece

Brook:
Yohohohoho!
Leave this to me, Luffy-san.
Yohohohoho!

brook-one piece

Franky:
Ow! Leave this to me!
Here comes the Iron Pirate.
I’m invincible!

franky iron pirate - one piece

Luffy, Usopp & Chopper:
Cool! It’s the Shogun!
Beam! Use the beam! Use the beam!!
Robo-aniki!!!

chopper usopp luffy amazed-one piece

franky iron pirate gaon hou

explosion

luffy impressed crying-one piec

Brook:
Yohohohoho!
Shall we sing this victory?
Yohohohoho!

brook plays violin-one piece


This original ONE PIECE story (Haiku Edition) is written by me, Cross-shishou, so don’t you dare plagiarize it.  If you do, I’ll send my vicious Otaku Zombies and let them eat your brains.  Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed today’s lessons.  I’ll be back again soon for more enlightening set of Fujinsei Kempo lessons.  Osu!

~Cross-shishou
Founder of Fujinsei Kempo


Disclaimer:  Study and follow the teachings of Fujinsei Kempo at your own risk.  Fujinsei and its main author Arria Cross accept no responsibility whatsoever for the content of this post, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided above.  Arria urges you to blame Cross-shishou for any issues you encounter while following Fujinsei Kempo teachings.  But Arria wants you to remember that Cross-shishou is a mere alter ego, someone without tangible form.  So if you want to blame someone, you might as well blame yourself.  You’ve been warned.


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