Achieving Enlightenment the Otaku Way
Osu! Greetings, shokun! This is Cross-shishou presenting you with another set of Fujinsei Kempo lessons. I hope that you learned a lot about how anime can affect your life either positively or negatively in How Anime Makes You Smarter and in How Anime Makes You Dumber respectively. For today’s lesson, I will be providing you with precautionary lessons about How To Piss Off Anime & Manga Fans, which I’m hoping with all my heart that you won’t be stupid enough to follow. Let’s start, shall we? Osu!
How To Piss Off Anime & Manga Fans (I)
1. Anime & Manga Are For Kids Only
I’m a mature and intelligent person. Why would I waste my precious time with kiddie shows like anime? Ugh. Oh crap! Keeping Up With The Kardashians is on now. Now this is a show for mature people like me. I wonder what Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney are going to bitch about in this episode. Gotta go and watch it. Buh-bye!
2. Anime & Manga Are All Porn
If I want porn, I want the real thing. Not something some pervert drew.
3. All Otaku Are Losers
I can’t imagine dating a cartoon character and locking myself inside my room watching moving drawings 24/7. Get a life, loser!
4. Watch Just 1 Anime or Read Only 1 Manga And Declare That It’s The Best. Attack Those Who Dare Contradict You.
What do you mean I should try watching/reading that trash you’re so proud of? Just by the looks of it, it already sucks!
5. Watch Just The First 5 Minutes Of A First Episode And Declare That It’s The Worst Series You’ve Ever Watched
I can’t believe they made this crap. I’m aghast at all of those positive reviews. Are those pompous dunderheads calling themselves “critics” and “reviewers” all idiots?
6. Wage War Against Other Anime Fans For Not Agreeing With You
What do you mean the ending sucks? Are you mental?! The ending was the BEST!!! You don’t know squat about what you’re talking about, you retarded a-hole! I bet you’re so stupid that you don’t even know what stupid means!
7. You Only Either Love Or Hate A Series
There are no in-betweens for you.
Respectable Reviewer Who Is Published in Various Influential Anime Websites: <Anime X> has one of the best art design and animation I have ever watched in an anime. Although it lacks strong character development, the action sequences and witty punchlines make this series a highly entertaining show. Watch it and I’ll guarantee that it’ll leave you wanting for more.
YOU Ranting on Some Sketchy Anime Forum: I watched the opening theme sequence of <Anime X> and was disgusted by all of the bouncy boobs and panty shots. I stopped watching when the opening theme ended. Didn’t even bother watching the episode because I know that it already sucks. This is the WORST anime ever! I HATE IT!!! You’re a loser if you even think of trying to watch this anime. Ugh!
8. Rant Non-Stop Whenever A Mangaka Misses A Chapter You’ve Been Waiting For A Week
How dare he get sick?! Does he not know that I’ve been looking forward to the next chapter since last week? Does he understand the torture I’ve been through? What a lazy ass!!! He should draw even while bed-ridden. That’s his responsibility for being a popular mangaka. He owes me. . .So what if I’ve never bought any of his manga? So what if I’m reading exclusively from online scanlations? Everyone’s doing it, so I don’t see why I have to spend money when I can just read it online for free! Besides, I won’t spend a dime for such a lazy ass who can’t even fulfill his obligation of pumping out new chapters every week!!!
9. Dubs Are For Losers. Subs Are For REAL Anime Fans. Watching in Japanese Without Subs Are For Geniuses.
Need I say more?
10. Declare WWIII Between The Big 3
ONE PIECE Fans: We hold a Guinness World Record. Need any more proof that we’re the best than that? We’re nothing like those two second-grade, trying hard wannabes. Ours is on a completely different level unreachable by those inferior two.
Naruto Fans: We’re already a successful multi-generational saga. When Luffy finds ONE PIECE and becomes the Pirate King, that’s the end of the story. When Ichigo becomes. . .uh, uhm. . .what’s the point of Bleach again? Never mind that. It’s not important. But as for us, even when Boruto has his own children and his children have children, we are still epic! We’re the best!
Bleach Fans: Don’t lose heart, comrades. We have the most good-looking characters including the hottest voices of the hottest seiyuu. We also have the undying support of the great FUJOSHI community. Those girls are nuts. They’ll destroy the other two for us!
Like what I said at the beginning of this lesson, I hope that you’re not stupid enough to act like these dunderheads whose idiotic actions are enough to trigger WWIII among the anime & manga community. Anime and manga are awesome, we already know that. But like everything else, it has a a dark side. And more often than not, this dark side is made up of toxic and narrow-minded pinheads who don’t know how to interact within the animanga community. Respect and open-mindedness should be fostered, so that all of us can enjoy anime and manga no matter how different our preferences are.
Founder of Fujinsei Kempo
Disclaimer: Study and follow the teachings of Fujinsei Kempo at your own risk. Fujinsei and its main author Arria Cross accept no responsibility whatsoever for the content of this post, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided above. Arria urges you to blame Cross-shishou for any issues you encounter while following Fujinsei Kempo teachings. But Arria wants you to remember that Cross-shishou is a mere alter ego, someone without tangible form. So if you want to blame someone, you might as well blame yourself. You’ve been warned.
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