Achieving Enlightenment the Otaku Way
Osu! Greetings, shokun! It’s been a while, isn’t it? Our last lesson was way back in January with “10 Signs That You’ve Watched Too Much ONE PIECE”. If you’ve been a student of mine for a while now, then you already know that ONE PIECE is my #1 favourite series of all time. For today’s lesson, I will be teaching you ways on how anime can negatively affect your life similar to a previous lesson, “How Anime Makes You Dumber”. We all know how amazing anime is but it’s such a shame that not everyone uses it to develop oneself. Instead, many use anime as an excuse for their bad habits. I hope that today’s lesson will deter you from being that kind of anime fan and encourage you to use anime productively like what I taught you in “How Anime Makes You Smarter”. Alright, let’s start this lesson now. Are you ready? Osu!
10 Signs That Anime is Ruining Your Life
1. You refuse to go outside.
You become a vampiric hermit. You lock yourself in your dark room watching anime, reading manga, playing video games, arguing with fellow anime fans online, etc. If possible, you want to live your entire life inside your room with your beloved otaku collection. You only go out of your room to pee and to you know. . .and when you absolutely can’t avoid going outside, you try to do it at night because your eyes couldn’t handle the bright sunlight anymore.
2. Your eating schedule is non-existent.
Watching anime takes priority. No time for cooking. You buy pre-cooked microwavable meals. . .well actually, putting the meals in the microwave and waiting for it is such a hassle, so you just grab chips and soda and whatever edible food is available that don’t require any effort to prepare. Why do humans need to eat anyway?
3. You refuse to sleep.
“Just one more episode and then I’m going to sleep”. . .900 episodes later, you’re still saying this to yourself and you haven’t slept a wink yet.
4. You neglect your family, pets & friends.
“My parents are boring and they always nag at me. My siblings have their own friends. We’ll just end up fighting. And oh, my cat doesn’t like me anyway. I ought to just drop it at the animal shelter. As for my friends, hmph. I don’t like them anymore. They never talk about anime with me,” you say. You think that everything is their fault, that they’re not putting enough effort to understand you. It’s better to leave them alone like you want them to leave you alone.
5. You use anime to procrastinate.
“My essay’s due next week. Lots of time to do it. In the meantime, I’ll watch anime.”
. . .2 days before the deadline. . .
“Still two days. Lots of time. . .right? The new arc just started. I can’t miss this episode.”
. . .night before the deadline. . .
“Shit. The deadline’s in the morning. But this episode’s so awesome, I just have to watch it. Oh well. I’ll just tell my teacher that I fractured both my arms, so I couldn’t possibly write my essay.”
6. You skip school or work.
You make a sick call to work. At first it was just a “cold”, nothing serious. But that first episode was just so amazing that you just have to marathon the entire series. You call back to work saying that your “cold” developed complications and you have to take a few more days off to heal and rest. Damn, the ending of that anime was just so awesome that you watch the next season immediately. You call your work again and say that you contracted “pneumonia” and that you’re by death’s door, so could they pretty please give you some additional months off, possibly an entire year?
7. You forget to pay your bills.
Who cares about the bills? They’re so annoying. Just forget them and watch anime. Perhaps they’ll go away if you just ignore them.
8. You become a financial parasite to your parents.
Since you’ve been skipping school and work, you don’t have your own income to support yourself independently. Your parents have the moral and legal (if you’re still underage) obligation to support you. It’s much more fun to watch anime without caring about anything else. Let your parents do the household chores. Let them do the cooking and tell you when you’re supposed to eat. Let them work their asses off, so that they can support a useless, spoiled brat like you. When you want that anime DVD or that manga volume or that newly-released video game, just blackmail your parents for money. If they refuse, you complain that they don’t love you anymore.
9. You become a soulless robot.
Your body automatically does what it has to do to live, but your mind is constantly in the anime world, replaying your favourite anime scenes and imagining yourself as your favourite anime character.
10. You hate reality and pray that you can live in the world of your favourite anime.
Why does reality suck so much compared to anime? If you were living in the anime world, you’d have your own harem of gorgeous lovers instead of being bombarded by “Haven’t you found a boyfriend/girlfriend yet” by your pesky relatives. If you were living in the anime world, you’d have the power to change the world instead of living the life of an “average” person. If you were living in the anime world, you’d be so cool and so awesome instead of just dreaming of being one. Why can’t reality be like anime?
I’m hoping with all my heart that you don’t find yourself in these horrid situations. If, unfortunately, you’re experiencing any or all of the above circumstances, I strongly suggest that you take a total break from anime. You have officially become totally ADDICTED to anime in every negative sense of the word. You’ll find it extremely difficult at first and you’ll experience terrible withdrawal symptoms, but endure. Trust me, it’s for your own good. Re-train yourself to watch anime productively, using it to inspire and motivate yourself to become a better person, instead of allowing it to destroy your life. Remember that anime itself is neither good nor bad (ideally); what’s good or bad is how you react to it and how you apply it to your life. This is all for today, shokun. I’ll be back again for another set of Fujinsei Kempo lessons to help guide you achieve enlightenment the Otaku Way. Osu!
Founder of Fujinsei Kempo
Disclaimer: Study and follow the teachings of Fujinsei Kempo at your own risk. Fujinsei and its main author Arria Cross accept no responsibility whatsoever for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided above. Arria urges you to blame Cross-shishou for any issues you encounter while following Fujinsei Kempo teachings. But Arria wants you to remember that Cross-shishou is a mere alter ego, someone without tangible form. So if you want to blame someone, you might as well blame yourself. You’ve been warned.
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